Tonight is Rocco's last night. We have a vet coming to our home tomorrow at noon to euthanize him. Things turned for him on Friday afternoon, just like that. He turned away food for the first time in his life, some dry kibble. His appetite has come back though and he's eaten all his food since. However he hasn't tugged rope or wrestled since Friday morning. We can tell by the way he is resting that he is uncomfortable. It's a difficult decision because I love Rocco more than life (at least it feels that way sometimes). He has always been there for me. He has been my best friend (yes, literally) for the past 5 years. Dogs live in the movement, Rocco lives in the moment. To play a game of tug with him was to be there with him, in the moment, relishing it. The excitement of competition, the joy of movement. He felt it and I did to. Jobs, money, the things of modern society don't matter in these moments. Rocco always reminded me whether he was tugging, chewing a bone, sun bathing, or stealing strawberries from my planters, that life was a gift. You have to enjoy it and seize everyday. Rocco's mind is stronger than his body. Instead of being a gift life is now becoming a struggle. His body can not cope with the lymphoma anymore.
I remember five years ago having Rocco out as a volunteer at the old Humane Society. A woman came in and said she just lost her dog and can she pet him. I told her yes and she squats down. Rocco lights up with excitement and starts licking her face, she starts to laugh and he puts his front paws up on her shoulders and knocks her back to the ground. Now here is this middle aged woman lying on her back with a homeless pit bull standing over her and licking her face all over. She is laughing so hard she starts crying. She eventually gets up, wipes her eyes and says "I needed that so much...thank you". Rocco knew that.
Tonight as I watch him uncomfortably rest in his bed I go and lay next to him. I start to cry. As tired as he is he sits up and starts licking my face, over and over. Taking care of me the best he can. Here he is dying of cancer taking care of me the best he can. He always took care of me best and I've tried to do the same for him.
Rocco is my family. He is my blood brother. I love him more than life. The picture here is from tonight. If ever a dog could smile it's Rocco.
Kevin,Alicia - I wanted to be there today but just couldn't do it. So many of my own memories are tied up with that goofy brown dog. Seeing him playing in the old play gym at HSSV, being so thankful when you were finally able to call him your own, leaning over to say goodbye to him after a Sunday afternoon shift when he was sitting in Mike and Ali's office, getting more bloody lips from that big ole noggin of his, but it never mattered. I remember sitting on the couch with him at Doggieville watching cartoons with him all snuggled up next to me while Havana chilled out in her bed. He is a special friend to many of us and he will be sorely missed. Thank you guys for giving him the love he always deserved. You are all in my thoughts - I love you all!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. Rocco was obviously sent to you for a reason. What a special boy. :(
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